Transcription of Hunter Kent for the show Young Maine Voices #179
Dr Lisa Belisle: It’s my great pleasure today to have an individual who had to actually get out of school in order to come speak with us. We have Hunter Kent, who is a senior at Cape Elizabeth High School. She recently spoke at Tedx Youth and talked about her experience with depression and the steps she took to overcome it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to be in here today. I know it’s more of an effort for you than many people so we appreciate it.
Hunter Kent: Yeah, thank you.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Hunter, tell me about Cap Elizabeth and your experiences there. YOu’re a senior. It’s an interesting time for you, isn’t it?
Hunter Kent: It definitely is. My experience in high school has changed every single year. When I first came into high school as a freshman, I was not in a good place. I really didn’t fit in. I had a couple of friends but I really felt like I didn’t belong in there. It was really hard for me. Sophomore year is pretty bad too. But then, Junior year, especially, I came back for that year just like a completely different person.
This year, especially, has been really, really amazing. I’m making a bunch of new friends. I’m doing new things that I never thought I’d be able to do. My perspective on the school as definitely changed because, honestly, I didn’t like a lot of my classmates. I really just didn’t like going to school. I came back to school, junior year, with definitely a more open mind and more positive attitude. I realize that, sure there are some people that I may not be best friends with but there are a lot of really cool people in Cape Elizabeth. You just have to find them. That’s what I’ve been doing and it’s been a really cool experience.
Dr Lisa Belisle: You’ve been pretty open about your experience with depression, which is something that a lot of people don’t want to talk about it. Depression is a really interesting and difficult thing. It’s very, very personal and yet you are willing to get up on a stage and tell your classmates all about your experience. From what I understand you got a standing ovation?
Hunter Kent: Yeah, I did. Definitely talking about depression, there is stigma about talking about mental illness, I think, especially in today’s society. People feel uncomfortable with it. They don’t want to talk about it whether they’re struggling with it or they’re not. For those who aren’t struggling with it, they don’t understand it. It’s a hard thing to talk about but I feel like it’s something that we have to talk about, especially people like me who are on the other side, who have overcome it. Because, for people who are currently struggling with depression, they feel like they’re not going to get better. They feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
You don’t hear many stories about people overcoming depression, other mental illness. I think it’s really important that people speak up and say, “Hey, you can overcome this. You can get better. It really is possible.”
Dr Lisa Belisle: It’s true that if you have gone through depression, maybe you don’t want to talk about it because it might bring you back to it, place in your life that doesn’t feel that good, that might feel dark. It’s also interesting because with depression and other mental illnesses, you can’t see that somebody has this. You may not know that they’re struggling with this. For you, were you able to go about your daily life and have people not even realize that this was something that you are dealing with?
Hunter Kent: I think some people did know. I’m a very emotional person. I’ve always been pretty open about it. I think some people did know that I was going through something. The first two years in high school, I definitely wasn’t the happiest person. It was pretty noticeable. I also struggle with self-harm, that was pretty obvious. Some people did notice that. I definitely think what you said is true that sometimes you can’t tell if a person is struggling with mental illness and depression. Because I’ve heard stories from friends and kids in my school, who have struggled with depression. I never would have expected those people in particular to be going through it. You can’t tell. You can’t judge based on what they look like or how they act because you really don’t know what they’re going through.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I think about a quote that I don’t know who the person who said it was, but just something about, be kind because you never know what battle others might be fighting. I think that’s really true, especially in this case, because you can really, to all outward appearances, seem fine but a lot can be going emotionally and mentally that other people don’t recognize.
I was reading something that you wrote for us. We ask all people who come in, if you could go back in time, 10 years, what advice would you give yourself? Of course, most people who come in are older than 17, but you said, I would tell my 7-year-old self that it’s okay to be shy and that someday I’ll find my confidence. That’s really interesting to me. Tell me a little bit more about that.
Hunter Kent: I’ve always been a really shy person even when I was really little. I’ve always been shy and introverted and quiet. I just accepted it but I always felt uncomfortable with it. I felt that I was different from everyone else. I think that my anxiety played a part in me being shy. Because I’ve struggled with anxiety even when I was really little. But I thought that that was just because I was shy, but it really was another thing.
I definitely thought that being shy was a bad thing. Even through middle school, the first couple of years of high school, I was ashamed to be shy. I think that now I know that it’s okay to be shy. It balances people out. The part about finding my confidence, I never thought that I’d be confident. It was a dream. It wasn’t even a goal, it was a dream for me to be confident. I never thought I’d be able to achieve it. Now I’m realizing that it actually is possible. I think, at the same time, you can be shy, but you can also be confident at the same time. Which is something that I’m experiencing right now, and it’s been really, really cool.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I think you’re coming along in a good time because there has been more recognition of people who would be considered, what we call introverts or shy. The value that they have in a social seeting, I think that what we normally expect is that people will be outgoing and they can make small talk, hey can be energetic. But you can get a lot of great energy from being around people and maybe just be listening a lot. That must feel really good that people are starting to understand that that’s the case.
Hunter Kent: You said just now about listening. I think that’s a really important thing. Whether you’re shy or not, I feel like sometimes when you’re talking to someone, maybe if they’re going through a hard time, if they’re struggling with something, just being there to listen to them and not necessarily say anything or give advice, but just being there to listen is really important. Listening in general to what people are talking, sometimes you don’t have to say anything to them, you can just listen.
Dr Lisa Belisle: That’s true. I think that the gift of presence is something that is maybe underestimated. You’re right, a lot of people will want to jump in and solve the problem. If they see that there’s an issue somebody is having they want to solve that for them. But sometimes it takes more processing, Sometimes people need to really figure it out for themselves in a way.
Hunter Kent: Definitely. I’m a part of the Natural Helpers Program in my school. It’s a program that, it’s group of students that are chosen from a survey and they’re chosen because other students in the school have recognized them as being more compassionate, a person that they can go to if they’re experiencing stress or a more intense problem. During our natural helper trainings, one thing that’s really emphasized is not necessarily like being the hero, not jumping in to save people but simply just being there to listen can be really, really important for someone.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Listening is actually more challenging than people realize. Tell me a little bit about middle school. What was it about that time that was really difficult for you? Because it sounds like going into, from middle school to high school, those first few years were pretty rough.
Hunter Kent: Middle school was an adventure definitely. It was like, any middle school, it’s like a roller caoster. You’re going through all these changes. Even just school things are changing. You’re getting more responsibilities. Your work and projects and homework and everything, it’s increasing. There’s a lot more social pressure. That’s just what everyone goes through. Then o top of that, I was definitely dealing with different family issues. I have a brother who has autism. That definitely was something that I was experiencing. Like I said, I was very quiet and I was shy. I didn’t have a lot of friends in middle school. I isolated myself from everyone. In 8th grade, that’s when I really felt outcast. That’s when my depression started I think.
Dr Lisa Belisle: What was it like for your family to have a child with autism? What was it like of you as a sister, to have a brother with autism?
Hunter Kent: It’s definitely challenging. There’s a lot of stuff that comes along with it. There’s a lot of doctor’s appointments and medicines. Just daily life itself can be challenging. He’s pretty high-functioning autistic. He can talk. He’s very, very verbal. Everyone’s different on this bunch. When I think kid have special needs. They all have challenges. There’s different challenges with them. It was hard for us, but it’s still, I think it taught me a lot about being understanding of other people. I’m definitely very, very comfortable around people with special needs. I know a lot of people don’t feel comfortable around that. That’s definitely a gift I think I have that I’m just comfortable with it.
My brother is great. He’s very funny. While he can be very annoying sometimes, he’s my brother. It’s great.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Is he older or younger than you?
Hunter Kent: We’re actually the same age.
Dr Lisa Belisle: You are?
Hunter Kent: Yes.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Okay.
Hunter Kent: I’m a triplet.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Well. All right. That’s interesting too. Let’s talk about that. I have sisters who are twins who are 19 months younger than I am. I always wondered what that was like, to be a twin. But to be a triplet, that’s even more interesting.
Hunter Kent: Yeah.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I guess you never really knew what it was like not to be a triplet.
Hunter Kent: My brother has autism, so he’s definitely mentally, a few years younger than me. It feels like he’s a younger brother. My sister, I don’t live with her. Like I feel like I’m a triplet, it feels more like I’m a twin with my brother since I’ve lived with him. It’s definitely interesting.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Do you find that there are similarities amongst the three of you? Or are you more different than you are similar?
Hunter Kent: I think my sister is a lot like my brother. Not that she has special needs, but physically she look more like him. Me and my sister are not really that much alike. I think we’re both shy and quiet but, I don’t know, I don’t really think we have a lot of similarities.
Dr Lisa Belisle: When you’re in middle school and you were feeling very outcast and almost like you wanted to isolate yourself. Were you thinking, I need to protect myself, I don’t fit in or what was it that caused you to feel like that, that being an outcast was something that fit you?
Hunter Kent: Eight grade was definitely a really confusing time for me. There’s a lot of emotions going on, a lot of emotions. I’m not exactly sure what happened. I think I got caught up in my emotions and let them completely take over me. I got in the mindset that people don’t want me here. I just kept feeding into that and it spiraled out of control.
Dr Lisa Belisle: You’ve said that you also have engaged in some self-harming behavior.
Hunter Kent: Yeah. That was in 8th grade and it lasted for a few years. But I am, over a year, clean. I’m very proud of that.
Dr Lisa Belisle: That’s really great. I’m asking you all these questions and I know they’re very personal and I appreciate you answering them. I have older children myself but I also have an 8th grade girl. She’s very open with me. I feel like I have good relationships with my kids. But I think it’s always different when its your mother that you’re trying to talk to. As somebody who has an 8th grade girl, and I know there are lots of people out there who have middle school children, I guess I’m wondering if there’s any light that you could shed on that and how you got from feeling outcast and feeling anxious and having all these overwhelming emotions to a place where you thought that harming yourself was somehow, it must have fed something in you. It must have done something helpful to you for that period in your life. I know that’s a weird thing to say, does it make sense?
Hunter Kent: Yeah, I get it. It’s definitely a short term release for what you’re experiencing I think. For me, personally, I just had to do something with my emotions. I didn’t know what to do. I actually heard about it online. I thought, “Okay, if it’s working for other people, I’m going to try it.” Which is sad that I found it online first and then second that other people think that it works for them. Maybe it does for a little bit, but in the long term it doesn’t work at all. It’s really awful.
Dr Lisa Belisle: What was the process of, you call it, getting clean. That sounds almost as if it’s a similar feeling to maybe some sort of eating more than you should or using some substance or something like that. Getting to a place where you are no longer doing it, it means like weaning yourself from that. What was that like?
Hunter Kent: It was an interesting process because you have to, this goes for any mental illness, you have to want to get better. I have to go through that first. That definitely took a while. But one I was in that mindset of, “Okay, I really want to get better. I want to be happy. I want to be”, I, at first, expected it to happen right away. I’m going to stop right now and I’m never going to hurt myself again. It doesn’t work like that. It’s a process. There are times when you relapse and you slip up. It’s a pretty awful feeling. I was really scared at first. But then, I just kept going at it, and kept pushing through. Eventually, I just got to that place where knew that I was not going to do it again.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Did you have help during this time? Were there people that you could talk to about this?
Hunter Kent: Definitely. Talking to people has been one of the best things for me. It’s been the thing that’s probably helped me the most. I definitely had support from a lot of my friends and my school social worker, I’m really close to her. She’s helped me so much with all of that. Definitely, I had a lot of support throughout the whole process.
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Dr Lisa Belisle: We’re talking about the things that have been hard in your growing up. We’re talking about some of the town background, the family background. But at your core, there’s something that’s very intrinsically you. You’re 17 years old, you’re a senior in high school, you have some sense of who you are now and what you like to do. You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do next. I’m not going to ask you that question. Tell me about you. When you think of yourself, what do you like to do? What brings you joy? What makes you happy to get up in the morning?
Hunter Kent: A feeling that makes me really happy is knowing that at my age, at 17, I’m making a difference in the world. I’m, in my own way, helping people just by my [inaudible 00:41:55], that helped a lot of people, I know that, which is really, really cool. I also have an Instagram account which I’ve used for a few years to, at first it was like a secret account and I use it because I was struggling with depression at the time. I want to connect with other people who are also going through depression. That definitely, I realized that even though I was going through something, I still had these ideas of how I could help other people, if that makes sense. I knew that that’s what I wanted to do. Because I hated the depression. I felt awful. Knowing that so many other people are struggling with it is really sad. I want to change that.
Even though, maybe at the time, I couldn’t to the best of my ability because I was still struggling with it. I still knew that, that was something that I want to do in the future. Now it’s definitely a big part of my life, just showing people that I care, that I’m there for them and that I’m here to listen. I understand what some of them are going through. Definitely, helping people, it also helps me because it’s just a really, really feeling when you know that you’ve impacted someone’s life in the most positive way, that you can make them smile and you can make their day better.
Dr Lisa Belisle: You’ve gone form a shy child, from what you’ve told exactly, shy, and maybe still shy. But a shy person who is confident enough to sign up to give a Ted talk, to go through the Ted talk training because [crosstalk 00:43:48]
Hunter Kent: I didn’t sign up for it.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Oh? Well tell me about that. How did this happen?
Hunter Kent: It was just one day, my class president, Daniel Mens and one of the Tedx Youth Club adviser, Betsy Nielsen, they sat me down during a free period and just brought up the question, “Are you interested in getting a Ted Talk?” They had a list of people that they had as backup, but apparently they all really wanted me to do it. It was a complete surprise for me. I said yes immediately. I was just thrilled about it even though at that time, I really didn’t know how big of an event it was going to be. It was a surprise so no one else in the school knew that I was going to be the speaker until, I’m sure some people figured it out, they saw me that day with the mic on. Some people found out but most people didn’t know until they announced me and I walked on stage.
Dr Lisa Belisle: How did the people, how did the class, and how did the Tedx group, how did they know about you?
Hunter Kent: Several of them said they followed me on Instagram or they’d heard about my Instagram. I think that’s where they came up with my name. Those people, when I make an Instagram account, it’s all personal. You have the typical sunset photos, the selfies and all that. People don’t use it to express their thoughts that much. Mine is definitely quite different from those people. But I’m really open on my Instagram. I’ll share what’s ever on my mind or what I’m going through then.
Dr Lisa Belisle: That’s an interesting point because I think I just read something recently about how, never before have we been called to present ourselves as slices to such an extent as we are now. Where we’re all on Facebook, you give a slice of yourself. You represent yourself a certain way on Instagram. You can represent yourself a certain way. In real life you represent yourself a certain way. But what you’re describing is, you’re trying to be a whole person.
Hunter Kent: Yeah. That’s a cool way of looking at it. Yeah, people only share a small portion of their life on social media. I think there’s a stigma about that. There’s a stigma about simply just sharing your personal experiences and thoughts. Everyone follows the trend. Those all post what people generally post.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I’m thinking about a couple of people that I know that have been different from other kids in high school. One of them I’m thinking about was bullied because he was different than other kids in high school. He did all the right things. He played the right sports. But he just had a slightly different way of looking at the world. Other people felt, I guess threatened by that. Because, they actually physically attacked him at some point. Then, I’m thinking about another person who is different and had a very different way of looking at the world. He’s never been bullied but he also sometimes feels very alone. Can you relate either one of those situations? Or do you know people have been on those situations since you’re a natural helper?
Hunter Kent: Yeah. Especially in Cape. People are afraid to be different. They all go with the crowd. There’s not a lot of physical bullying in Cape, but I think there is to some extent, if I can call it, it’s like a logical bullying where… There’s a lot of cyber bullying online. [inaudible 00:47:58] especially. Like I said, people like to talk about each other but not to their face. It’s always behind their back or anonymous online. People, if they’re being bullied, they don’t really know who’s doing it.
There’s I feel that gotten paranoid, I think. They didn’t want to know who’s talking about them that they don’t know. It could be even be like their best friends, their so-called bst friends. There’s a lot of judgement about that. I know people are scared of that.
For me, personally, I haven’t been bullied that much. Like in middle school, there is some, I think, not so much in high school, as far as I know, so I haven’t really dealt with that but I can definitely feel relate to not really being directly bullied but feeling ashamed and weird for being different from everyone else.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I know that this happens but it makes me feel really sad to know that the anonymous bullying is going on. Of course, I’m sure it’s always going on that people talk about each other behind their backs. But I guess, now it’s like there’s anonymous bullying but we can see it. It’s kind of weird I guess.
I remember when I was in 4th grade, I was beat up by an older kid and a ki9d in my class. I was walking home, most ly what I felt was what did it do to deserve this. Like I felt like I had done something wrong. I was ashamed. I was ashamed of something I didn’t even know what it was. I can, like, go back to that time and feel that. I think those types of things that happened when you’re younger, you can carry them with you. Even as you become as adult, obviously I still remember it.
Hunter Kent: Yeah. That part about feeling like it’s because of you not because of the people who are actually bullying you. That’s really significant because you’re putting that blame on yourself when you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not even thinking that the bullies are wrong in that situation. That’s really sad. I feel like that’s definitely something that still a lot of people, a lot of people think when they’re being bullied, that’s it’s their fault.
Dr Lisa Belisle: As part of your coming to understand yourself better and bringing yourself out of depression and helping yourself through the anxiety and stopping the self-harming behavior, have you gotten to a place now where you feel like you know yourself well enough so that if things are going on outside of you, you can say this is me and that’s them and I know myself. Say there’s other people who are victimizing, just let’s pretend that you’re being bullied and they were victimizing you and they were saying, “You are doing something wrong. We think a certain thing about you”, would be able to, at this point, say, “No, that’s you, that’s on you, that’s not on me”?
Hunter Kent: I think I could. I’m not sure. I’d like to think I could. In this situation, I feel like , it’s definitely harder when you’re actually experiencing it. But I think I’m definitely strong enough now that, not to say I wasn’t strong before, but now I have that sense of self and self-awareness that I feel like id’ be able to stand up for myself and know that I’ve done nothing wrong.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I think that’s what I was getting to. It was just that when you go through something and it’s so core to you, and you have to really understand yourself so well, that when you get out on the other side, you’re able to say, “You know what, I am who I am. I know myself, I feel good about myself. Whatever is going on with other people around me and whatever they’re projecting on to me, I’m still who I am. That projection is just not real.
Hunter Kent: Yeah. I definitely think self-awareness is something that I’ve really… I’m proud of myself for knowing like when I’m feeling an emotion, I pretty much exactly what I’m feeling and why I’m feeling it. I also know that that feeling is going to pass. It’s not going to last forever. Maybe I felt that way before but I know now how to take care of myself when I’m feeling sad or angry about something. I know what to do to care of myself and not avoid the emotion but to push through it.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I like that. I think that’s really important and it’s something that a lot of adults, you’re 17, so you’re right there anyway, pretty much an adult. But I think a lot of much adults neve come that realization and feel pushed around by their emotions all of their lives. I think the fact that you can pause and say like that’s actually going on here and what’s my emotion and why is this happening? How can I take care of myself> I think that that’s a really important thing to have learned.
Hunter Kent: Yeah. [inaudible 00:53:23] told me that, I’m really mature for my age. When I was in middle school, people say I’m mature. That’s cool knowing that I have this self-awareness. It’s interesting like sometimes I’ll see adults in certain situations and they don’t have that self-awareness of what they’re doing or how to deal with their emotions. It’s just weird knowing that at my age, I have that and they don’t.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I think that’s a really fair point. Sometimes age doesn’t have that mch to do with it really. Sometimes it’s just more integral to who you are. You’re right. Other people don’t always know how to process their own stuff no matter how old they are.
Hunter Kent: Now that I said it, I really say that sound mean. What I mean is that, I think people will get there eventually, just maybe it won’t happen when they’re 17. When they’re 21, maybe it’ll happen. When they’re 40 or when they’re 60. I’m not saying that people are not mature but they will get there just at different times. I think it depends on what their life has been like and what experiences they’ve been through.
Dr Lisa Belisle: Is there anything that you would say to people who are listening? Whether it’s, maybe a parent who is worried about a child that is in middle school or high school and seems to be struggling or whether it’s a kid who’s listening, who’s struggling himself or herself, is there anything, any words that you might share that could be helpful?
Hunter Kent: For the parent, I think it’s very important to put aside the judgment and stigma that people feel about mental illness and depression. Definitely don’t say that it’s a phase because it’s not a phase. That is the least de-validating thing you can say to your child. Validating their emotions and feelings is really, really important. Maybe for some parents, they feel helpless because they can’t do anything for their child. Maybe their kid isn’t talking to them. But just saying that you care and being there and listening is really important. Then, if you have to take necessary action if the kid is in danger, I think that’s important too.
Just knowing to listen when they’re going through it but to know that, is something that needs to be done then they have to do it and not just avoid it or pretend like it’s not happening or not taken seriously. For a kid who is struggling with depression, there’s a lot of things I could say. Your emotions are valid. That’s orally important. It’s not a phase. It’s not. It’s not looking for attention, that’s definitely a big thing. If someone’s going through depression, some people will say, “They’re only doing it for attention.” It’s not for attention. Everyone’s experiences are different but recovery is absolutely possible. I firmly believe that for everyone. Whether the depression is biological, from genetics, or whether it’s from experiences or whatever, I definitely, definitely believe that it’s possible for everyone.
Dr Lisa Belisle: I really appreciate your being so honest and open in our conversation. I think you offer a wealth of experience that perhaps other people also have but aren’t necessarily willing to talk about. This is profound stuff and it’s stuff that happens at every age. You two have gone through when you were younger. I suspect we’ll be very enriching over the course of your life. I give you so much credit for really processing through ll of this stuff and available as a natural helper as Cape Elizabeth.
Hunter Kent: Yeah, thank you.
Dr Lisa Belisle: We’ve been speaking with Hunter Kent, who is a senior at Cape Elizabeth High School, who recently spoke at Tedx Youth. Again, I appreciate your willingness to be with us today.
Hunter Kent: Yeah, thank you.